Gradations

Staying up all night, smoking, drinking and doing drugs is bad for your health.

But there are differing degrees. Not all “unhealthy” nights are created equal.

Night #1: I went out for drinks with a good buddy of mine. We dropped into a bar that our other friend runs, had some whiskey, laughs, and got drunk. Walking in the busy part of town on a Saturday night, we ran into two cute girls. One of them recognized me from school. We went back to their place, had a couple more drinks, cigarettes, then the cocaine appeared. The girl sat on my lap and we made out. At some point some wankers showed up and tried to start some shit, but we laughed them off and they left. (At some point my buddy called it a night and cabbed it home, I think.) The girl and I ended up in her bedroom, fucking at dawn. She had one of the top 3 best bodies of any girl I’ve been with, just fantastic tummy, tits, and ass. Around 10 a.m. her sister was coming by to take her to some family thing, and we woke up and she had me crawl out the back window. I walked home, smoking one last cigarette as all the healthy Sunday morning people were out jogging with their dogs.

Night #2: A few people from work and I went to my friend’s apartment and listened to his new sound system and DJ set-up that he really wanted to show us. Someone had a bottle of whiskey so we drank weak whiskey/cokes (girl-style) and had some laughs. We played a few video games; someone smoked some weed but I just had one or two hits to be social, since weed’s really not my thing. I went home and got to bed pretty late and had a bit of a hangover from the sugary drinks.

Night #3: With no one to hang out with, and no work to do in the morning, I made myself a drink and decided to start some serious writing. I sat at the typewriter near my window and banged out 2 or 3 pages of single-spaced text about girls, sex and philosophy. I refreshed my drink, lit a smoke, and quickly went to my computer to look up something on wikipedia that was relevant to what I was writing. After a paragraph more on the typewriter, I smoked another cigarette, looked at wikipedia again, shifted my chair fully over to the computer, got sucked  into wikipedia links, then started checking my favorite blogs. What the hell? Have another drink, and a smoke. Hours later, after checking game blogs, politics blogs, sports blogs, etc, I’m looking at some Asian girl-girl spit-swapping porn and wanking away. I think I get to bed around 4 a.m., and wake up at noon feeling like absolute shit.

None of these nights was “healthy” in a conventional sense. But you can see how Night #1 contributed to my life, by letting me have new experiences, meeting new people, bonding with my buddy, fucking a super hot girl, and giving me some funny stories about the coke-desiring wankers and the crawling out the window on a Sunday morning to avoid the little sister. Night #3 gave me the positive of creating a few pages of writing on my typewriter, but it gave me nothing else at all, and the writing was something I could have done sober and focused (Jack Kerouac/Charles Bukowski drunken-writer fantasies notwithstanding, writing drunk is self-indulgent and almost always results in crap that would have been far better written by a sober man with a bit of discipline). And #3 hurt me, too, since I felt like crap, both mentally and physically, the next day, and slept half the day away. I had no work to do the next morning: that doesn’t mean I needed to sleep in. Having no work in the morning could mean an extra long workout; a trip down to the ferries to go hiking on an island in the early morning; or even (if you want to be lazy but still healthy) getting up early, making some coffee, and reading all morning in bed about the history of Ancient Greece.

Night #2 was somewhere in between. The stuff we were doing was kind of lame, but it was at least social bonding, friendly stuff, and much better than drinking, smoking and wanking alone.

In general, it’s unhealthy to drink, smoke, and stay up all night. But it’s totally justified in some cases, and I feel bad for people who have literally never had a few nights like #1. The problem is that, if you are too lax about what constitutes a “#1 night”, you will start spending some “#3 nights”, convincing yourself that it’s still somehow adding value when all it’s doing is squandering away your precious life, energy, and time

Cumming is the same way. Remember that, in general, every single time you jizz, you’re wasting away a bit of your life energy which you can never get back. I know this probably sounds negative and moralistic to some people; but it’s simply true. I’m only phrasing it this way because so few people are conscious of this fact these days.

But this doesn’t mean that you should never jizz in your life. Sometimes it’s clearly the right thing to do. But it’s easy to let your standards get lax. In fact, almost all men have extremely lax standards about it these days. Or no standards at all. In what other area of life do you feel it’s okay to have literally zero standards? The work you are willing to do? Your friends? Your free time? The girls you date?

So why the lack of standards about something that is so important for your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being?

Let’s create some examples parallel to my “up all night smoking and drinking” examples. We’ll use “A, B, C,” to avoid confusion.

Instance A: Married to a perfect girl, beautiful, sunny, feminine, family-oriented, devoted, helpful. Both of you very happy and, having thought it through carefully, deciding to have some beautiful babies together and very excited about the prospect. You have mind-blowing sex with your sexy, gorgeous young wife at her most fertile time, and you release inside her, creating a new life which the two of you together will love, nurture, and educate into a fine, beautiful, young man or woman, adding to your personal fulfillment and the overall goodness of the world.

Instance B: Having sex with a smoking hot girl that you’re monogamous with and who you have no doubt is using the pill. Going all night with her into the early hours, cumming several times on her tits, her stomach, her face, and inside her pussy. Falling asleep happy and exhausted, and waking up to the fresh coffee she just quietly made for you in the kitchen.

Instance C: Fucking a cute girl you met at the bar. Strapping on a condom, going for a few laps around the mattress and cumming after 30 minutes or so, stumbling to the bathroom to flush the condom and clean up a bit. Falling asleep with a vague desire for her to go home, but not having the balls or the heart to just tell her to leave until the morning.

Instance D: Slumming it with a chubby HB5. Getting hard at first, cause there’s a warm body in your bed, but you find yourself getting a little less than rock-hard after a few minutes, so you start imagining your smoking hot ex, or worse, you picture some nasty porn you were watching the other day. Eventually, after some chore-like pumping away at her pussy, you manage to cum with images of a hotter girl in your head. Feeling “relieved” but also rather empty at the end of it all.

Instance E: Having a long, hot make-out with a really banging young thing, but being unable to close the deal for logistical reasons. You go home and try to sleep, but find yourself tossing and turning, with a raging hard-on, cause you can’t get out of your mind the look and feel of that girl’s perfectly tanned thighs in her little white shorts. In fact you can still smell her mix of perfume and youthful, fertile pheromones on your skin. You consider taking a cold shower to restore your manly will of iron, but after absent-mindedly touching your cock with her image in your head, you give in and have a quick, pleasurable wank as you picture her on all fours taking your cock deep and mewing like a cute little kitten. You toss the kleenex on the floor and fall asleep.

Instance F: Making a deliberate choice to “clear the pipes” á la “There’s Something About Mary,” either because your stored-up sexual energy is making you all needy and beta, or because you are worried that it will do so later this evening. You make it quick, using a video of your favorite porn star, watching for just a few minutes until you’re ready to cum, not prolonging it or surfing around for something “hotter”.

Instance G: With nothing better to do on your day off, and not even feeling particularly horny, you start poking around your favorite porn sites, slowly wanking your semi-hard cock. You eventually come across something that almost makes you come, but you’re in that state where you just want to see more, so you keep clicking. Two hours go by and finally you end up cumming without meaning to, and it’s a weird anti-climactic orgasm, cause you were trying to hold back and click another link when you suddenly cross the point of no return. You jizz weakly into a wad of tissue and almost before you have finished, you’re closing all the tabs with an empty feeling and standing up to go wash your hands. You come back to your computer and start looking at political blogs, because you’re trying to erase that vague feeling of shame and emptiness.

Now, if you’re not married and you’re not interested in kids, perhaps you would rank “B” as more “important” than “A”. And there’s a certain argument to be made that wanking to porn stars is more healthy than wanking to a girl you know personally, because wanking off to girls you know creates a danger that you will pedestalize her unnecessarily, so there might be some leeway in how you rank “E”, “F”, and “G”.

But it should be obvious that the further you go down the list, the less excuse there is for wasting your precious seed. The ultimate brahmacharya saint is completely full of manly, spiritual energy. That’s not the life for most men (myself included) and it shouldn’t be your goal to be totally chaste unless you truly feel a deep calling to live that way — there are such people, extremely rare though they may be. On the other hand, we have the typical American loser who exists at the far opposite end of the spectrum, jerking off several times a week, even several times a day. He gets nothing from his seed but a series of weak and unfulfilling moments of pleasure. He wastes away his manly essence and becomes the very definition of a spiritual and physical weakling. By age 40 he is shell of a man; the kind of meaningless nothing-man we meet in every day life all the time.

The most obvious dividing line between “good cumming” and “bad cumming” is whether or not there’s a girl involved. As a rule of thumb, it’s obviously better to be cumming in sex with a real live woman than it is to be cumming all alone in a dark room in front of the pale glow of the computer monitor.

Nevertheless, I’d argue that there are many instances when it would be better to not come with a woman at all. For instance, in case “D” (slumming with a chubby 5) — though I’ve done this in the past — I’ve learned it’s much better to just skip the sex, skip coming, and skip the girl altogether.

And this also leaves out discussion of when you can have great, amazing, mind-blowing sex with an extremely hot girl and still not cum. This is the wisdom of some Daoist schools, for example, and it’s something that xsplat talks about on his blog. This is a very important topic, but since this post is long enough as it is, I will leave it to be addressed another day.

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One Response to Gradations

  1. Pingback: Don’t Masturbate, But Don’t Get Religious About It Either

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